By Haley Costen
Staff Writer

Sometimes you might meet someone on Tinder (or OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, the Wealthy Men app…wait, what?) and really enjoy talking to them. And yes, that actually does happen on rare occasions: full moons, leap days, etc. So you decide to meet up.

But the problem with meeting up with someone you’ve only spoken to online, or who you’ve been set up with through a friend, is that you really can’t know for sure if you’ll get along well until you meet for the first time. You could have had a really good conversation about Cohen Brothers movies, but if he shows up dressed like The Dude from “The Big Lebowski,” you’re probably not going to be asking him to move in and buy a cat together anytime soon.

Or maybe you’ll be asking him to marry you. I don’t know you that well.

I went on a date a month or so ago with a perfectly nice guy. We’d been talking for a couple weeks and had a lot in common. He was decently attractive, had a steady job, and was graduating from Emerson in the spring. But I knew almost immediately after meeting him that I didn’t see it going anywhere. It could have also had to do with the fact that I had a tiny bit of a grudge because I was missing the Golden Globes for our date.

Don’t judge. Nobody makes me put on real pants and miss out on jokes by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Nobody.

I’m not just saying this because I’ve seen too many Meg Ryan movies or something; it doesn’t matter how good someone sounds on paper or how much you have in common with them: if you don’t feel a spark, it’s probably not worth pursuing. So here’s how to let someone down easy.

• Actually talk to them and explain what’s up. 

Don’t just stop replying to their texts. Yeah, it’s way easier to just not reply, but it also makes you a jerk. Of course there are some exceptions:

A friend of mine went on a date where the guy kept texting another girl the whole time, obnoxiously bragged about his movie collection, and wouldn’t shut up about how much he hates chai lattes. (Um, who hates chai lattes?) And then he had the gall to ask her if they could “watch a movie together” in her dorm later that night. In cases like this, there’s no reply necessary unless you’re going to rip him a new one.

• Say a kind but firm excuse. 

Maybe you don’t want to date them because they’re really sweaty and have onion breath, but jeeze, don’t say that. Avoid pointing out their flaws or saying that you’re not attracted to them all together. It’s salt in the wound.

Instead say something like, “I had a really nice time with you, you’re a great person, but I’m just not into you.” It feels harsh, but it’s really not that bad. And there’s no way for them to get around it.

• Don’t lie. 

If you say something about not having time to date they’re going to know its BS. If you didn’t have time, you wouldn’t have gone on the first date. You’d make time for someone special. And don’t say you have a boyfriend or something because karma is REAL. You’ll definitely see that person while you’re flirting with someone else at a bar next week.

• Don’t put yourself down. 

No “it’s not you, it’s me.” Or “I’m just so flakey, you could do better.” Stop. You’re awesome and you know it. And they know it too or else they wouldn’t want to go out with you. Don’t make yourself feel bad. You’re not obligated to go out with anyone just because they’re nice or because you feel guilty for not liking them more.

• This one is crucial: Don’t say you just want to be friends.

This is a lie 99 percent of the time, but some people think it’s an actual invitation. If you don’t want to see this person’s clammy, desperate face anymore, don’t say you want to be friends! Seriously. They will claw their way into your friendship circle and wait in the shadows for you to wake up and say, “Oh wait! I see you as more than a friend!” But because life isn’t like “When Harry Met Sally,” that is never going to happen and that person could be a psycho. Just saying.

• Oh, and stick with your decision. 

Don’t text them two days later to ask how they are. Leave them alone. It’s unfair to say you’re not interested but then to keep pursuing conversation. You might not mean it, but you’re totally screwing with their emotions.

So go out there and break some hearts! But, you know, not too harshly.